A bit like the Top Gear challenges, the real ones, those of the irreplaceable Jeremy Clarkson, James May and Richard Hammond, not the French substitute or the latest BBC versions, two of Paddock-GP left on Sunday morning on a mission to an unknown land...
Even if we don't like to put ourselves forward, the winter break gives us time to let you experience the sidelines of this kind of expedition, the end result of which will of course be found in our columns. So, for once, let's go.
Last Sunday, 5am, your humble servant only slept for an hour but everything is ready: the cameras are charged, the computer too, accompanied by a minimum of clothes, so that everything can be transported by scooter in case the VTC that is supposed to take me to Gare de Lyon is not there.
But everything goes well, and at 7:42 the TGV that takes me to Barcelona gently leaves the platform in the grayness and intense cold of the Paris region. Barely later, Luca heads to Brussels airport for the first and interminable checks of modern air transport. Takeoff at noon, roughly at the moment when I finally find the sun.
We are supposed to arrive at the same time in the capital of Catalonia, left just a month ago for the last GP of the 2024 MotoGP season, and then meet at the airport after I collect a rental car.
At Sixt, everything is ready, my car has been reserved for a while, the check-in done in advance thanks to the donation of my facial data to the AI managed by the matrix… Confidence borders on serenity.
Yes, but no: expired ID card, no car! And no point in arguing, go elsewhere! Europcar, Hertz, Alamo, same fight. Luca, alone at the airport, starts to worry…
Spain remains Spain, and, by going down (a lot) in range, we always end up finding a solution. In this case, Centauro.
Expired ID card? " No problem. "
The costs ? "The same."
Insurance? "Understood."
The deposit? “No deposit (unbelievable but true)!”
The car? “Go get it from the 4th basement and just bring it back to us with a full tank.”
That's it. With an hour and a half delay, the junction is made with Luca, then we launch the proud Kia Picanto at high speed on the free motorway, direction, south…
After two hours of driving, a quick snack stop and then, fatigue overcoming me, I hand the wheel over to my teammate with instructions to watch the fuel, and fall asleep the sleep of the righteous.
Woke up with a start.
“Luca, are you okay?”
- Yes.
– Where are we with the petrol?
– There are 10 kilometers left.
– But Luca, do you know that we are below Valencia, that there are few gas stations, and that most of them are off the highway, in the middle of nowhere? Get out now!!!”
So here we are in the dark night, one of us looking for lights indicating human life, the other for a gas station on an app. The second one wins and it is almost freewheeling that we arrive at the only gas station in the area, a veritable saving oasis in an ocean of darkness.
Saved, the pressure drops. It is at this precise moment that I hear Luca exclaim:
“Oh no! Shit!”
- What else?
– I forgot my computer at the snack bar.
– Stop…
– Yes, yes, a brand new computer, and it was expensive.
The snack was 250 kilometers ago, there are still quite a few to go, and I'm starting to find this day a little tiring...
"Well, you forget it anyway. Your computer was stolen and you'll never get it back."
Luckily, my travel companion is a pure product of the smartphone generation, and quickly discovers, from a distance, that his computer is still in the gas station. A good sign.
We search our memory for the name of the snack bar, we find it, the phone number, we find it, we call and we are informed that a customer found it and took it with him, after leaving his contact details.
Honest man or thief? We call, there is an answer, and the computer seems available… in Valencia, 150 kilometers behind us.
No choice, turn around, the Picanto spits out all it can, which is to say not much, and we recover the object from our savior who warns Luca, "Not everyone is like that in Spain, be careful!"
Apparently a wasted effort for someone who had his phone stolen a month ago and is still being located in vain in Dakar...
Faced with this turn of events, we discuss and, in my own words, I discover that the film "The Goat" has stuck to my co-pilot's skin since he was very young... We wonder why!
Forewarned is forearmed, measures are taken, the keys to the car, the apartment, etc. are collected and it is around 1:30 in the morning that we arrive at our destination, after having slept 2 hours in 40 hours. The word tired seems appropriate but, fortunately, tourism and rest are on the agenda for part of the next day.
So no, after a day punctuated by sighs and rolling our eyes (I am only reporting the most significant facts here), we obviously did not come here to enjoy the landscapes and the mildness of southern Spain in December, and we will reveal to you tomorrow the objective of this trip, the start of which seems to herald other facts as unexpected as they are interesting.
In the meantime, here is a clue, tricky but a clue nonetheless.
See you tomorrow… maybe.
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